Yesterday.
Monday, February 20, 2012
you hurt me more than anything has ever hurt me before.
but you gave me two options.
1. find a reason for you to forgive me.
2. leave you 'the fuck' alone.
well, i'm going to pick option one. because although it may not fix things between us, and we may not end up together, knowing that you've forgiven me is way better than having you fucking hate me.
you hurt me so badly. i can't even explain.
"you didn't fuck up. you are fucked up, and i don't want anything to do with you."
"i'm happier being alone than i ever was with you."
how can you say that to me? it hurts so fucking much. it hurts because it's your fault. and i'm not fucked up. i'm not fucked up. i'm not fucking fucked up. i just fucked up. if i was fucked up i wouldn't give a shit about you and i wouldn't care. and you have to know how much i care about you, in the fact that I FUCKING TRY MY FUCKING HARDEST TO FUCKING LEAVE YOU THE FUCK ALONE. why? not because I want to. I want nothing more than to talk to you, but i know thats what
you want, so i try. you can't say i don't try. you can't say i don't care. i care about you so much that i put the fact that you want me to leave you alone over the fact that every time i fucking see you i want to talk to you. you saying that hurts more than you calling me a cunt, telling me that i'm not attractive, telling me that i have easy pussy, or calling me a whore. how can you say that i never made you happy? that breaks my heart. but deep down we both know that's not true. but how can you even say that? why do you constantly try to hurt me? why? i know i hurt you so fucking badly baby, and i'm sorry for that. but it was clear in your actions that you still care about me, despite you yelling at me 8/10 times we talked for me to leave you the fuck alone, or asking me what the fuck i want. i know you do. when we were in the coat check, you were pushing me away, and holding onto me at the same time. you were the one who put your lips onto mine. you did it.
i'm not sorry that i slapped you. i'm not. i don't think you understood/understand how much you fucking hurt me, and i spent half the night fucking crying over you, and i was still crying when i went into the car with my dad. i spent a good portion of today crying as well. i really wish i could get over you. i want to so fucking badly, but i can't. you know what's sad? i'd rather have last night 1,000,000 times then never talk to you again. if we didn't both care about eachother, last night wouldn't have happened. after i apologized, that would have been the end of it. you wouldn't have walked off the dance floor every time you saw me dancing with someone else. i wouldn't have given a shit when i saw you dancing with that other girl. you wouldn't have cried after i slapped you. why can't you just admit that you still care? i've laid all of my emotions on the table as hard as it may have been and still is, seeing as you constantly make me feel like a complete idiot for even talking to you. but i don't care because as hard as i try, i can't forget you.
"
we're made for eachother."
"don't fucking say that, are you kidding me?"
"no, because when we kiss it's fucking amazing, and i feel fucking happy, and i get fucking high. does it feel like that when you kiss anyone else?"
"when i kiss you, all i can think about is how you had sex with nikola."
i know that i don't 'deserve' anything from you. but you don't deserve anything from me either after the way you've acted. but i'm still willing to give you everything because that's what the fuck love is. it's not about who deserves what, it's about giving your all to someone who may not deserve it because they're willing to give their all to you too.
i fucking love you Marco Andres Bohorquez.
i wish i could stop.
But you've got me.
