I have so much to say to myself.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
I don't like nikola. today when i saw him there was nothing left at all. that's cause i want marco. he doesn't have to try, he doesn't have to tell me how he feels, he just simply is himself, and i want him. Nikola tries so hard, and i feel so bad, but i just don't want him. I made a mistake in thinking that i did want him. It's not that there was ever a moment where i didn't want Marco, i was just ... confused i guess? but not even. I don't know. I fucked everything up, but i can't stop myself from continuing to try. Deep down, i feel like marco's special, and like I have to do everything I can to win him back. I know i messed up, and i know that even if by some miracle he gives me another chance things won't be the same. But what i do know is that in time this will make us stronger. Sure, i'm just a kid, i'm only 17, but there's something about him I just can't let go. He's special. I know i fucked up and i can honestly acknowledge that, but I just want him. I know i'm supposed to make a decision and stick by it, which is why i'm choosing to break up with nikola. I'm not doing this because I think it'll magically fix everything and make Marco magically forgive me. I'm doing it because it's what i feel inside. Whether or not marco and i start over and try to make things work, or even if he never talks to me again, I just can't be with Nikola. He's just not right for me, and everything that happened between us was a massive mistake.
When Marco looks into my eyes it's like there's nothing else. I could stop time and stare into his eyes forever.
I love him.
Make a Decision..
Well i mean, i want you. even if you don't want me, i don't think i should be with him anymore. He's too clingy, and at the end of the day, his biggest flaw is that he's not you.
